See this?  It’s snow.  Not only that, but do you see the glare?  On the ground?  From the trees?  Yeah, that’s ice.

That’s ice.

That’s ice, too.

Fuck yeeeah, I love winter!

x______O

I’m surprised the earth didn’t shake, what with 69,456,897 Obama fans finally getting their epic climax this noon.  Now we can finally relax back on our pillows, with one arm behind our head and the other with a cigarette pressed to our lips, as Lady Liberty tickles our bellies and eyes us admiringly.  Was it good for us?  “You betcha!”  We’ve done a good job, we have.  We “voted for change”, which will hopefully make up for the last eight years’ tragic-comedy.

How long will the good times roll?  Some things do reach their high point too early on… and it’s all downhill from there.  But hell, who wants to worry about that?  Not me.  Not you.  Let’s just enjoy the good times while they’re going in a circular motion.  Barack Obacca commands it.

Click for more

Buhbye nao!

What we have here, are placesettings. Plates, knives, forks, glasses, and all sorts of other neat and groovy things. Sadly, you have no idea what I’m talking about, as I’m not going to post photographic evidence. Which, I suppose means, “it didn’t happen”. But the fact that I experienced part of this setting-getting expedition myself, as well as Kev, who braved a sea of cheap silverware to discover a treasure by the name of Pfaltzgraff, I would say it did happen, regardless. Besides, we have the receipts.

Meanwhile, sometime last week (more like Tuesday), my loan check arrived in the mail. Deposited it on Wednesday before class, and then went to class. First up is LOGIC, where our bastard instructor informs us that he is teaching the most difficult and fast paced section at the University, and that we should drop if we don’t like to work hard. And then Friday, after calling roll and finding that a fair portion of folk did indeed drop, informed us that it was all a lie, but we should enjoy the extra elbow-room anyway. Which still makes him sort of a bastard, but the good sort at least.
Next up is Anthropology, which includes two papers and three exams, plus weekly recitation. Then Women and Gender Studies in the Arts and Humanities, which seems like a lot more work than it should be for such a bunny-foo-foo class. But it was nice when, as I was called out to explain why I chose Social Work as a major, and replied “because I’m nutty as a fruitcake,” she replied, “That’s exactly why I went into English.” Finally, after just barely enough of a break to shove some food down my throat, is Statistics, which I know I am going to hate. Badly. But at least the textbook isn’t required.
I think I will be pleased with this semester. It’ll probably be more work than the last, but at least I won’t be as bored as I was in the last.

Some new things that class[money] have heralded: A coat, three shirts, two sweaters, a fine winter hat, and two more pairs of legwarmers. All on clearance, baby! Plus the above-mentioned housewares, with two mixing bowls and a rather nice pie dish.

Another change this past week has brought is Kev’s [Lazer] moving-in to glostix. I asked if he’d be interested in blogging together here on a whim, and he said he was down with it, so I got things all re-arranged and freshened-up for him. Looks nice, no? Don’t know how often he’ll post (not that I post very often anyway, hah!), but I’m tickled pink to have him on board WE has a website! Huzzah!!

Home again, and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it.  A tiny, selfish shred of myself was happy when Kev’s truck refused to start this afternoon.  Maybe I was stuck, oh no, however shall I cope, smug grin.  Only a small shred, though.  There was genuine worry, because missing my flight would’ve meant waiting until Tuesday for the next flight out on Allergy, as nothing else would’ve been at all affordable.  As wonderful as it would’ve been to have those extra few days, it’d only be staving off the inevitable.  Classes start back on Wednesday.  I can’t rightly say “shit on that”, tempting as it is.  The other major part of worry was… well, shit.   He kind of needs a working vehicle for work.  So this is a really big problem.  It’s not a good note to leave on… and I worry that it’s going to be more than a simple little nothing sort of problem.

I hope it’ll be ok.  It’ll be ok.  I hope it’ll work out.

Did get a ride to the airport — pops to the rescue.  Damn, right?  Yeah.  Got checked in with a few minutes to spare, spent with my face pressed into Kev’s chest.  Breathing in every last molecule of scent that I could.  Getting as lost in the sound of his heartbeat as I could.  Trying not to think of the weeks that would stretch ahead… ignoring everything that wasn’t at that very moment.  His arms.  Our warmth.  Suspending the reality and indulging in this singular moment.

Bitte, bitte weck’ mich nicht / solang ich träum’ nur gibt es dich…

As I was telling Karey tonight, it wasn’t two minutes after I got to my gate that I heard someone’s phone go off, blaring ‘Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)’.   A real, honest to god, genuine facepalm moment was had.  With much force.  And much disgust.  Reality kicked back in, rubbing my face in the fact that I was going back home.  I can’t say that’s the most hate I’ve ever been filled with, but it was a pretty good amount.

I cried somewhere over Tennessee while the chaw-packing dude across the aisle, in a hunting jacket and worn-out hick-ass boots, stared.

The sun fell behind the horizon, and I watched for Lexington.  As soon as we got close enough to see some landmarks, I did feel a surge of excitement again.  I guess I am glad to be home again.  Much as I bitch about the less desirable folk, I can’t help but love Kentucky.  It is home, after all.  The worthwhile people are fantastic.  The scenery is amazing.  The atmosphere is just… warm.  Pleasant.  Everything moves at a slower pace, relaxed, comfortable.  In spite of everything, I smiled.  This is, after all, where we’re weaving those first threads of our life.  There are countless places we can go from here, but this is where it’s gonna start.  Even though the wait is long, I’m happy to know it’s coming.  Not soon enough, but soon.  Here.

So, I’m happy to be home, in a sense.  But crushed by the thought of all this time.  And pained by the fact that once again, I have to live on memories.  I have to remember his scent, his breath, his heartbeat.  I have to long for his arms to crush my sides again.  I have to deal with going to sleep alone again.  Yes, I am saying I will miss waking up without his knee up my ass.  There a lot of crazy, simple little things about every-day that I am going to miss. Hard.

Way hard.

Here I sit, about 26 hours til my flight back home, and I’m letting myself get all conflicted about it.  Simply put: I don’t want to go.  These past coupla weeks have been so nice, so fun, so comfortable that I just don’t want to leave it and be put into waiting again.  I don’t want to be boxed back in behind phonecalls and IM boxes.  I don’t want to look to the sky all wistfully, waiting for “the day”.  I want to keep looking up wistfully on the back porch, waiting for the hour.  The minute when he’ll be home again, so I can kick off my shoes and curl up for a nap while listening to him breathe.

It’s 2:22.  Same wish I’ve been wishing since I got down here.  I wish he’d follow me home soon…

That would be fine, knowing that it might be sooner rather than later.  Sooner rather than Spring Break.  I know the reasoning behind that is to allow time for more savings and so I can have a full week to move in and get settled into this glorious and shiny new LIFE we’ll be building together.  I know it’s sensible, reasonable, practical, what have you. But knowing how slowly the last three weeks between tgiving and xmas went… how horrible the seven week stretches were…

It has to be done.  But I’m not going to pretend to be happy about it.  I’m not going to pretend that it’ll go by quickly and painlessly.  Not this time.  I’m generally always happy to keep on the sunny side and know that good things are well worth waiting for, but that’s just a load of shit that I’m not even going to entertain.  This is going to suck.  It’s going to suck hard and hurt.

Where, if I just stayed… if I could just… stay…

I’d have to put a pause on my education again, for at least a year until I gained resident status.  And a few other cons, but that being the biggest one. And while I want to say I don’t care, I do.  I’ve already waited a good long while on that front, til I gathered the nerve and resources to go after it… I don’t want to wait any longer on it.  And he cares about it, too.  Putting that on hold would make us both mighty unhappy.

So what it’s down to is picking one unhappiness over the other, really.  *chortle*

I’ll catch the damn flight.  I’ll get back, get settled, start classes.  Start packing up.  Secure an apartment.  Reserve flight to meet him down here for the roadtrip up to Lexington.  Maybe it won’t be so bad.  Maybe we’ll luck out and have a weekend between now and then, however short and teasing it may be.

Maybe.

Right now, I just wish he’d get home so I can bury my face in his neck.