I only occasionally check the Kernel… only when I am very, very bored, but one of my campus talk-to’s told me about this, and I just had to face-palm.  I mean, seriously.  It amazes me how stupid people are.  Since when does your belief Christianity define how a country without a state religion should be run?  But ah, well.  Of course this dude is afraid of transgendered and transexual people being given “special rights”… it’d challenge the monopoly on special rights that Christian[-variant]s have enjoyed since Day One of American History.

Speaking of transgender issues, November 20th is Transgender Day of Rememberance.  An email was sent through the OUTsource circuit with names, CODs, and their dates, with a link to the case of Duanna Johnson. Reading about her attitude, pride, and defiance against the local po-po made me smile… but of course bit at my sides to know that such wit and strength was wasted, stolen, and destroyed for no good reason.  That I have friends that could meet the same fate for the same reasons absolutely terrifies me… it makes me sick to the heart and head to know I live in a world where people I love are in such danger…

Last on my big gay agenda: HOLY SHIT I NEED TO WRITE MY SW PAPER.  Due first thing in the morning.  I suppose, with all this, I should be able to write easily on why the GLBT community needs advocates in the field of Social Work, but ease isn’t as much an issue as time.  I can’t even start on that til I whip out my German homework, which is due tonight at midnight.  There isn’t enough coffee in the world to save me.

Three more days to plow through before my flight out to Tamparrrrgh… two more class days.  Once I get this paper done, it’ll be a breeze.  A breeeeze right into Kev’s warm, strong, loving and very nommable arms.  Arms and hands and smile and gaze and LEIJFLIJGLEIRIEWK!!!1  I start thinking like that, and three small days seem like three months of time between.  Hurry hurry.  I mean, after I get to sleep tonight, hurry.  I don’t mind having the time to wait while I need it to do class-things, hah.
Mmmm… ahhhh.  AAAHHH!!

Good news is that I’m only really missing one lecture next week, since everyone else pretty much decided to cancel classes on Monday and Tuesday.  German still meets, but it’s a “fun day” where Lissi has decided to have a Q&A and teach everyone to curse in German.  On the one hand, I’m glad I’m not missing testable lecture.  On the other, GODFUCKINGDAMMIT that’s what I wanted to know most!! XD

First off, I should say, as this is my first entry since the election…. FUCK YEEEEEEEAH!!!  I could get into a good long speech about that, about vision, and change, and “socialism”, but honestly, I’m too drunk.  But I am optimistic, and I believe that change has arrived once more, and I think it is safe once more to have some pride in who we are as Americans.  I know it’s a little naive — perhaps I am too young to know better — but I can’t help but to feel some hope.  I can’t help but feel that things will start to be okay, for the first time in decades. Maybe now we can remember what America was supposed to be.  Maybe now I can be seen as a patriot rather than some damn punk kid bent on seeing the destruction of the establishment.  Maybe now I can reclaim the word “patriot” for what it was always intended to be.  One can hope.  I am sick of taking “unamerican” as a compliment, when it is meant to be an insult.  It’s about damn time this nation return to what we were always meant to be.

Now that we have that all nice and clear… moving on!

So, now that we’re over halfway through the semester, I’ve finally found a student-peer I can actually run into on campus and hold a conversation with at random.  It’s sort of nice to have a good, reliable acquaintance around… especially one that I can be quite candid with.  How many people do you know that will say, matter of factly, “I like being in high places… I always feeling like jumping though, even when I’m not suicidal.”  And, while it is an extremely serious topic, you can talk about it as if we were commenting on what we had for lunch today.

Life.  You’re weird.

In less morbid news, I got called out in German class tonight as we were discussing the forms of “wollen”.  I was writing feverishly in my notebook, when Lissi figured I would know Rammstein and made me put two and two together.  “Ah, ja, ‘Ich Will’” and etc.  She says she’d play it for the class but didn’t want to start up the smartcart, and then I’m all, “I think I’ve got it on my phone,” and she’s all, “Really? :D”  So I find it and play it after class.

Then I hang back afterwards and ask her if she’d watched the video I told her to watch (Peter Heppner - “Alleinesein”) and she’s all, not yet.  So I told her it’s pretty fresh (August?  September?).  And she started talking about how weird it is being here in the States, missing out on what’s happening back home in Germany… aye aye, I agree, it’s always weird (news from home always seemed so foreign when I was over in Scotland, so I can dig the feeling).  But we talk about music in general, and Peter Heppner… Wolfsheim and Joachim Witt’s “Die Flut” (of which we were both “OMFG I LOVE THAT SONG SO BAD” over… thanks again for that, Chrissi!).  And she says to me what a relief it is to find someone over here that she can get all squeeful about German music with.  She was saying that she’ll start playing music in her office and get all sorts of straaaange looks because it isn’t a common thing over here… I just giggle and say “Oh, don’t feel bad, I get those looks too”.   It just made me happy.
I am seriously gonna miss her when she goes back home after this semester.  Not only is she an awesome teacher, but she’s just plain awesome in general.  I’m so glad I got to take her class.  But we friended each other on Facebook (yay!), so when I do make a trip to Germany (WHEN, not IF… it WILL happen someday!), I’ll have to see if we can get together and have a drink.

Ah, and to explain the title of this entry, I picked up the new ohGr today (”Devils In My Details”).  I downloaded the leak, so nothing is new whatsoever (besides being in better-quality), but I’m still happy to have it in my possession.  I’m always happy to support artists I admire.  Makes me feel all warm inside.

Not in general, but perhaps about the College of Social Work, and what I’ve observed within it.  And what I’ve observed, so far, is that these people are fucking douchebags.  Have a complaint about how business is conducted?  Bitch while you can, hope some people listen, before the complaint is wiped from the record completely.  Looking for help?  Ask away, but expect condescending remarks directly after your problem is addressed.  I think I might be at the wrong fucking University for this sort of program, if this is what peer-support is like.  Peer support in fucking Social Work for chrissakes… you know, a field of work where you’re supposed to, oh, I don’t know, help people?  Nurture and support those in need?  Be an advocate for small voices?  Right.  Right…

I realize I’ve been rather hypersensitive over the last few, but I think this would grate my nerves under the swellest of circumstances.  Maybe not to this extent… the extent of thinking of changing schools or perhaps even major… if I am indeed going for my Master’s, why not just do Psychology?  The only reason I decided on Social Work was so I could find BA-level employment, after all, where a BA in Psychology would have me as good as flipping burgers.  BUT… yeah, that’s something to think about when I’m not so hypersensitive and pissed off at the world.

Then again… maybe I should consider it before I commit myself to potentially useless classes next semester.

Fair, productive day so far.  I have my paper for tomorrow almost finished… just need to wrap up the ending and clean up the edges to make sure it doesn’t sound like a retarded seventh-grader wrote it (which is about how I feel right now, and not for lack of self-esteem… just out of sheer exhaustion).  Then to just get caught up on my German.  Half ugh, half yay.  I still rather enjoy it, but for the life of me, I can’t remember any of the fucking verbs.  I think, should I ever attempt a trip to  Germany or Austria, I’ll just resign myself to being the idiot that says weird shit like “me plate” and “you car?”

At least I can sound like a proper caveman.  Can you imagine if I said “I plate”?  Pah!

Anyway, I failed to mention last night that Dad is back home, because I was freakin’ tired.  I twittered it, though, so you can’t say you weren’t informed… you can only say “I didn’t look hard enough for the information.”  So take that.  But yes, Dad is home, and sore, but I’m happy to have him back to Diddly-Dadding around.

Now I guess I should actually start working on that homework I was talking about.  But not before “wow”ing over how amazing it is to feel so loved by such a wonderful manboy.  Sometimes I get so happy I could barf.  And I hope it’s not like, barf barf.  I would think love-barf should be made of glitter and roses.  But I don’t think glitter is something a body synthesises.  Maybe roses, if you’re a vessel for the Holy Virgin, but glitter?  Nah.  I digress!  No one has brought me such happiness, fulfillment, and contentment before.  It’d almost be like ‘peace’ were it not for us both being kind of childishly chaotic.  I think it’s as close to ‘peace’ as either of us will ever get.  And it’s pretty damned nice.

I wake up this morning (Wednesday) at about 7:30, suddenly bolting out of bed in an “oh, SHIT!” style, rushing around to find skivvies and trousers and shirt when I realize… wait. My alarm didn’t go off. Maybe I should check the damn phone before I get in a panic. Yeah, I didn’t have to be awake until 8:30. So I stand there for a minute, debating whether or not to just stay up, wake up, and study up for my exam at noon. I come to the conclusion of “fuck it” and fall back in bed, where I have a dream that it’s the end of the world, so Addy, Terro and I are all hanging out being very angel-ho! and trying to organize some salvation. Meanwhile, Adam, a dude from my German class, is an archangel in the dream… who is hiding in a fridge because he doesn’t like this whole “end of the world” business.  At any rate, the world decides to stop ending, so we’re all, “hooray”, as Adam crawls out of the fridge. And then my alarm goes off, and my day actually begins.

It begins with me finding my brother downstairs, who tells me that Dad is in the hospital. That would’ve been nice to know, oh, I don’t know, when he was being taken to the hospital? Sorry, sorry… that just bugs me that I don’t know this shit until way after it’s happened. I immediately start conjuring ideas up about how I could maybe, probably, possibly use this to get out of having to take my exam at noon, but nah, not if it isn’t serious. And I know, I know, that makes me sound like a horrible selfish bitch, but hear me out. It’s rarely serious, cos of Dad is a whiner… you know the ones that think they’re dying if they get a case of the sniffles? Not in a hypochondriac style, but a big ol’ pitiful baby style. That’s Dad. Not that I’m bad-mouthing it or anything… he’s cute as a button when he’s sick. At any rate, turns out it may actually be something, in the area of the gallbladder. Which again, isn’t serious, but hurts like a motherfucker anyway. So I’ve made sure to be extra nice and not poke fun of the sickie. He was released, and is scheduled for a test tomorrow. If it’s NOT the gallbladder though… well. Hmm.

Went on into class, banged out my exam. Didn’t go so well. I swear to god, I did actually write “Chuck E. Cheese’s” as a movement which led to the development of social work as a profession. Also, some other “prominent” figure in social welfare was listed by me as being “so not in Wikipedia”. I only choked terribly on about a fifth of the exam, which, if I get every other question right, isn’t bad. But I never count on getting everything else right…

Came back home to watch over Dad while Mom ran errands, happy for the excuse to skip out on Micro. He slept. I reorganized my papers and notebooks. Made a pizza run, and settled in for the debate. And, when I first started writing all this, I had quite a bit to say about McCain’s Healthcare Plan of Epic Fail, plus a sidetrack into just what’s wrong with the American education system (adding more strength to the idea of being a school counselor… srsly), but… now I’m just not much in the mood for that sort of talk.

Sadly, what I really DO want to talk about isn’t something I feel like talking about in a public setting… and not really even in LJ, either (though those on LJ know a bit more detail already). Just private, thankful thoughts on just how strange life is, and how lucky I am, and how amazed I am that everything I ever hoped for, but shrugged off as unrealistic, was actually very real — very attainable. As I said tonight… were it any other time, under any other circumstance, with any other person, I would be shitting my pants right now. But for once, for the first time… I’m not scared of the uncertainties and difficulties that surely lie ahead. I’m actually entirely comfortable with this. Excited about this. Hell, I even feel like I need this. This is the path set out before me, and not taking that path would defy all reason.

Knowing myself as I do… I know that being able to say that is pretty fucking monumental.