Here I sit, about 26 hours til my flight back home, and I’m letting myself get all conflicted about it.  Simply put: I don’t want to go.  These past coupla weeks have been so nice, so fun, so comfortable that I just don’t want to leave it and be put into waiting again.  I don’t want to be boxed back in behind phonecalls and IM boxes.  I don’t want to look to the sky all wistfully, waiting for “the day”.  I want to keep looking up wistfully on the back porch, waiting for the hour.  The minute when he’ll be home again, so I can kick off my shoes and curl up for a nap while listening to him breathe.

It’s 2:22.  Same wish I’ve been wishing since I got down here.  I wish he’d follow me home soon…

That would be fine, knowing that it might be sooner rather than later.  Sooner rather than Spring Break.  I know the reasoning behind that is to allow time for more savings and so I can have a full week to move in and get settled into this glorious and shiny new LIFE we’ll be building together.  I know it’s sensible, reasonable, practical, what have you. But knowing how slowly the last three weeks between tgiving and xmas went… how horrible the seven week stretches were…

It has to be done.  But I’m not going to pretend to be happy about it.  I’m not going to pretend that it’ll go by quickly and painlessly.  Not this time.  I’m generally always happy to keep on the sunny side and know that good things are well worth waiting for, but that’s just a load of shit that I’m not even going to entertain.  This is going to suck.  It’s going to suck hard and hurt.

Where, if I just stayed… if I could just… stay…

I’d have to put a pause on my education again, for at least a year until I gained resident status.  And a few other cons, but that being the biggest one. And while I want to say I don’t care, I do.  I’ve already waited a good long while on that front, til I gathered the nerve and resources to go after it… I don’t want to wait any longer on it.  And he cares about it, too.  Putting that on hold would make us both mighty unhappy.

So what it’s down to is picking one unhappiness over the other, really.  *chortle*

I’ll catch the damn flight.  I’ll get back, get settled, start classes.  Start packing up.  Secure an apartment.  Reserve flight to meet him down here for the roadtrip up to Lexington.  Maybe it won’t be so bad.  Maybe we’ll luck out and have a weekend between now and then, however short and teasing it may be.

Maybe.

Right now, I just wish he’d get home so I can bury my face in his neck.

Been milling over some things, and listening to other people, and for once, I actually have something to say in relation to the political arena.  Not that I’m political myself — to be honest, I couldn’t give a rats ass about all these cheats and liars.  But there are a lot of ways in which I am just bumfuddled.

Point A… hai doodz, the economy was a problem long before WaMu took it up the ass.  We’ve been saying it for ages, and what did you fellas up on Capitol Hill do?  Basically, told us we’re all insanely paranoid and there’s nothing wrong.  “Recession?  What recession?  Stop talking like you know anything and go back to studying your navels.”  Which I found mildly annoying.  Then everyone else starting catching on, and I’m wondering what took them so long to figure it out.  And now, it’s an overnight “crisis”.  Now it’s finally being taken seriously (and taken as if it’s all their idea, and we said nothing while we were suffering down on “main street”).  And I find this highly fucking offensive.

And what got us here?  The government’s unwillingness to discuss these topics openly… the idea that if you ignore a problem, it will go away.  Which brings me to point two: McCain’s ribbing Obama about open-ended talks with other world leaders that may have policies that we find unsavory.  Question, McCain: How is it that refusing to talk to someone until they agree to our terms encourage them to agree to our terms?  How are we supposed to work things out unless we talk openly?  The “my way or the highway” does not work.  “Surrender or we’ll fuck you up” does not work.  On a micro level, taking a small-scale hostage situation into consideration, that approach is a fine way to come up with a handful of dead hostages.  On the macro level where world-powers with nuclear-powers are concerned, well, you get the picture.  Yet if we make the effort to come face to face and discuss the matters at hand as real people, with flesh and breath rather than faceless demands in confusing documents, you come to better understandings.  Again, on a micro level, evidenced with my online/offline experiences with people.  It’s much easier to argue your point, and much harder to be cocky when you’re dealing with an actual person rather than faceless ideas.  Does that work in world politics… well, I’m not sure, but I do have the crazy idea that politicians are human, and it works on humans.

As far as open-talks giving the impression that we agree with opposing viewpoints… I still don’t see where that idea comes from.  Sorry, it’s just ridiculous to me.  Someone explain how diplomacy is the same thing as saying “dude, I so agree with you”, eh?  I don’t know about you guys, but I know there have been many times where I’ve had to sit down with people I did not agree with at all just for the sake of getting their side of the story, calming them down, and hoping to find some sort of resolve that would, at least temporarily, bring some peace on both sides of the fence.  I’d say most of us have done that sort of thing.  It’s not a bad strategy… and in some cases, it’s the only strategy.  You have to be willing to grit your teeth, swallow the bile, and be civil.

There’s also the energy crisis issue.  Energy independence, ra!  Which I agree with.  Something has to be done about that.  I, for one, would love to see shitloads of windmills thrown up around the country.  We’ve got us some real wind-tunnels, peeps.  Stand out by the POT on campus and you’d know what I’m on about.  Solar energy?  Good, let’s go for it.  Ethanol… retarded and inefficient, seeing as it takes 1.3 gallons of petrol to make 1 gallon of ethanol.  Scrap that idea right out, folks.  Offshore drilling?  Sure, if you want to wait til 2030 to see any benefit from it, if we see any at all (consdering that oil could easily be sold overseas), and fuck an already volatile marine ecosystem.  Nook-yoo-lar… right, call me old fashioned, but I’m not keen on the idea that McCain seems to be pushing.  Not that the idea of nuclear itself is bad.  It is cleaner and safer if done correctly, but pardon me if I refuse to believe it will be done correctly, with all the Homer Simpsons that really DO exist in the good ol’ US of A.  Besides that, since we are still a “Nevar Forget!” nation, imagine the destruction that could be done if we had 45 more targets on our backs.  If someone can plane the Pentagon, there’s no reason they can’t take out some power plants.   Yeah?  Yeah.  Amazing how so many people say “nevar forget!1!” and yet… they do.
Then again, if they really gave a shit about targets on home ground, the gubment might stop cramming their thumbs up their asses about the accident-waiting-to-happen in Richmond.

FInally, I’ve heard it so many, many times already… that McCain didn’t look at Obama even once.  Which I understand, considering his limited mobility.  I doubt severely that it was personal… dude just got fucked when he was a POW.  Although it does make me think of how great it would be to see McCain cut loose and do the robot.  It’d be hi-larious.  You know it would.

Now, now now now… we have the VP debate to look forward to.  I, for one, will love the chance to see Palin go all, “duhhhhh, whut?” again.  She wouldn’t be so bad if she would just stop talking.  Just stand there and look pretty, Tits… c’mon.  That’s really all you’re good for here.